I sometimes wonder how we humans complicate our lives so much by overthinking about something. What's funnier, are the mixed feelings that we begin to have as a result of overthinking.
At this point in time, while I give verses and lectures regarding overthinking and its consequences, I shamelessly am doing it myself. I sometimes wonder what shall stop me from overthinking and I instantly get an answer.
'An idle mind is the devil's workshop'. I have been hearing this phrase since I was in 3rd grade. At that point in life being idle only gave us chances to make noise in the classroom. But now at this stage in life, being idle has not got anything to do with making noise. An idle mind runs so fast that you forget what you are doing. You cannot concentrate on anything even if it's driving. An idle mind will only force you to think of something that sooner or later will have no meaning in your life.
At this point, as I write down my deepest concerns, I also wish to confess that simultaneously I am overthinking of things that shouldn't be a major concern. There are a million things running in my head.
A few weeks ago I had an interview for my post graduation program. I remember how just before 4 hours of the interview I kept having crazy thoughts. There was a point where I even imagined that the people on the panel who was to interview me would start to shout at me if I answered something wrong.
Finally, when I was called for the interview, everything went so smooth. I was tensed, of course. But nothing I assumed happened. And a week later I even got selected. Could I ever ask for anything better?
Sometimes, I ask myself what good could I have possibly done to get all that I have ever dreamt of. They're scores of girls who don't get to live their lives on their terms. I know girls who don't have dreams big enough and who don't know what it means to have achieved something for themselves in life. Could I just not be thankful for the fact that I had such a supportive family, such supportive people around who kept pushing me to give my best and never look back? Alas, I could not just thank my stars and get over it because again I had to think of all the bad things that "could" happen to me and also ruin my peace of mind by doing so.
So many things running in my mind make me want to cry and laugh at the same time. I am so overjoyed on realizing the fact that very few girls get to make their dreams turn into reality and that I was one of them. At the same time, I am afraid of what life has in store for me. I have never been so afraid before. I am afraid if I would be successful to make my dreams reality. I am afraid if I will make all those people who supported me to be proud of me. I am afraid if I can keep up the expectations that people have of me.
In this phase of thinking, getting frightened and overthinking, what I am losing is myself. It is not just me. I know so many people who think a lot. It not just wastes time but it also kills a person's confidence.
When I confess my deepest thoughts, worries and concerns, do not mistake me to be vulnerable. I am just trying to vent out my feelings and thoughts and feel free.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in thinking over something. But once you realize that thinking about something is stealing your peace of mind and your confidence, what you have to do first is calm down and then let your feelings out either by sharing it with someone or by writing them down. Just like how I have done it.
